Midlife Crisis

 

For years, I've enjoyed writing about the stuff I'm experiencing. Blogging, for me, has essentially been my diary. Publicly shared, of course, because I've found great value in expressing vulnerability. It keeps me humble because, as Shelly often reminds me, I'm prone to grandiosity-fueled over-confidence. 

But a weird thing has happened over the last five years or so. I've experienced a strange form of writer's block. I've started countless blog posts on a wide variety of topics, but could never seem to finish them. Or if I did, I couldn't quite bring myself to hit the "publish" button. 

I couldn't explain this hesitancy. I'm not one to hold back my thoughts or opinions. This writer's block, though, seemed to be fueled by a vague-but-deep sense of... incompleteness. Every thought, idea, and opinion I had felt worthy of being expressed, but there was an unseen force that created a wall. It was a mystery I couldn't solve. 

Until I did.

It turns out the culprit was my midlife crisis.

Weird, right?

The stereotype of a midlife crisis involves ditching your family, buying a gaudy sports car, dating 20-year-olds, and wearing skinny jeans. Mine was suddenly becoming an indecisive writer. 

Anyway, I digress.

Enter Tim Ferriss

Many years ago, I had a stereotypically-normal life. I had a good career as a high school psychology teacher, a wife, three small children, a dog, pretty good cars, and a fledgling hobby as a barefoot ultrarunner. Totally normal stuff. American dram-type stuff.

Then I read Timothy Ferriss' "The 4-Hour Work Week." The book was a revelation because it framed all the emotional and psychological turmoil and angst percolating beneath the surface of my "normal" life. The book caused me to realize my life was deeply unfulfilling, and I had trapped myself in a life of silent desperation that would lead to a slow march toward death. 

That revelation led to a radical embracing of adventure. If you know me, you know the story well. Shelly and I quit our teaching jobs and went on a decade-long adventure. And man, it was soooo worth it. The stuff we experienced was nothing short of amazing. 

Eventually, though, we craved some stability and moved to Colorado. We more or less fell into new careers in law enforcement and went about raising our kids. We've managed to create a pretty great, stable life with enough adventure and excitement to scratch a lot of the itches we escaped from back in our teaching days. In the process of experiencing our adventures and return to stability, I discovered a lot of ideas that turned out to be pretty damn important, which are reflected in the post immediately before this one. 

But there was this nagging writer's block weighing on my soul.

Enter Tim Ferriss 2.0

As a patrol officer in law enforcement, we do shift work, including the night shift. At 3:30 am, things in our small town are typically quiet (yeah, I said the "Q" word, fellow cops). During those boring AF times, I indulge in dorkiness and drive around and listen to podcasts. One of my favorites is Scott Barry Kaufman's "The Psychology Podcast." One episode really stood out. Scott was having a conversation with Chip Conley, the author of the book "Learning to Love Midlife." It was compelling enough to lead me to buy the book. Here's the episode:

I just finished it this morning. 

Holy shit.

The impact was analogous to the impact Ferriss' book had on me years ago. This book framed all the emotional and psychological turmoil and angst percolating beneath the surface of my "normal" life... but in a much different way than "The 4-Hour Work Week." 

Conley basically ditches the "one-and-done" notion of adulthood by saying we’ve got a “first adulthood” that’s all about collecting achievements, like careers, status, family, mortgages, and so on. Then we transition into a “second adulthood,” when we shift from accumulating stuff to distilling wisdom, nurturing deeper connections, and finding meaning beyond the external accolades we once chased. 

Instead of hitting midlife and thinking, “Well, guess I’m over the hill,” Conley frames it as a legit second chapter of grown-up life. You’ve done your time building a foundation, and now you get to pivot toward a more introspective, enriching experience. It’s not a crisis, he says, but a bridge to a richer, more purposeful life where we stop trying to impress the world and start connecting the dots of our own story, discovering that the real magic happens when we realize adulthood actually comes in two acts.

It's absolutely brilliant. 

Ferriss's book gave me permission to live my first adulthood on my own terms. Conley's book gave me the permission to stop clinging to my beloved first adulthood and embrace the second. I'll likely write a lot more about this in the near future, but the relevant point for this blog post is the epiphany that my writer's block caused by my failure to really understand myself. I was in that transitional phase between my first and second adulthood.

Clinging to Youth Sucks

We've all heard aging people piss and moan about how much aging sucks. I call bullshit. Aging is pretty damn awesome. It's clinging to youth that sucks. So many of the things we could do with ease, and usually take for granted, get exponentially more difficult as we age. We fight it, but it's a fight we're always going to lose.

The older we get, the more time and energy it takes to cling to the trappings of youth. For example, based on my data, it takes me about three times the caloric expenditure and at least double the time to stay fit as it did 15 years ago. That's time and energy we could be spending doing something better. This doesn't mean I need to give up staying healthy, but it does mean I need to readjust my expectations. Conley's book perfectly explains this dilemma. And it explains my writer's block. 

I write about my own experiences. The influence of the arrow of time was the variable that I failed to consider, which is the reason I have so many unpublished blog posts. I've had a vague sense of my own experiences with the futility of clinging to youth and my growth to a new, different stage of life, but I couldn't articulate what I was thinking or feeling. Everything I wrote about was written from the perspective of the young version of me... and it lacked the authenticity of my earlier writings when I was actually young. 

So What?

My soul craves excitement and adventure. That's not changing with age. However, Conley's book caused a pretty radical reframing. For the last few years, I've experienced some pretty strong negative thoughts and feelings about my diminishing capacity to engage in the kinds of exciting and adventurous things I was able to do over the last two decades. 

All of that negativity, though, disappeared immediately when I had the epiphany that all I needed to do was change my perspective. Instead of desperately clinging to the excitement and adventure of my first adulthood, all I needed to do was shift my focus to the excitement and adventure of my second adulthood. 

Poof!

Suddenly, I'm no longer mourning the fact that I can't read without glasses, or I can't dominate the skilled, athletic kids on the jiu jitsu mats anymore. Instead, I'm excitedly looking forward to being on the brink of having a lot more free time (yay, empty nest!) and being able to enjoy life without caring about external validation from people who don't matter. 

So What is this Midlife Crisis?

I've realized my midlife crisis was nothing more than what Conley called "middlescence", which is a play on adolescence. Adolescent is the life phase where we transition from childhood to adulthood. Middlesence is the life phase where we transition from first adulthood to second adulthood. Basically, we're learning to navigate a new phase of life that's radically different from the previous phase. 

Of course, I'm almost certain I'm at the end of middescence, which is why I feel like I'm fully prepared to ditch the clinging to my youth and embrace the excitement and adventure of my second adulthood. In reality, I've been silently battling though middlesence for years. 

I really wish this book would have been published five years ago, even though it probably would have robbed me of the opportunity to struggle with this transition. I feel like I could have helped some folks by writing about my struggles. 

Which brings me to the real point of this post. I know a lot of my readers are in my cohort... in part because you're still reading a freakin' blog, which you saw on Facebook. For y'all who are about 35-60, I'm motivated to start writing about this shit. Or, more specifically, writing about the shit I've always written about, but framed from the perspective of the life stage when we can really have fun. 

Don't get me wrong; being young can be hella fun. But youth comes with a lot of baggage. There a whole lotta insecurities and anxieties, usually tied to a sense that we need to "keep up", that make youth kinda shitty. We chase status and approval, we never feel like we have enough, or we're somehow missing out. No matter how hard we try to live in the present and just enjoy life, we continually get sucked into living our lives on other people's terms. Aging makes that increasingly difficult to the point where it becomes impossible. 

Middle age, though, brings the opportunity to free ourselves of that shit. We're more self-aware, more emotionally-intelligent, and we have a deeper sense of purpose. We're more confident, authentic, and we start to develop real wisdom. We accept who we truly are, which allows us to develop real connection with others. There's an undeniable beauty that comes with middle age, which I want to fully explore.

If this post has piqued some interest, stick around. I'm going to be exploring this topic in a lot more detail in the near future, and I really want to connect (or re-connect) with readers who are also excited about the adventures of this next stage of life. 

Normally, I'd tell my readers to share the post if they liked it, but quite honestly, I don't want the attention. I don't care how many people read this. I care that the right people read this. I want to curate a tribe of folks who get this post. If you really want to share this with someone you know personally, share it with them and only them. 

If this does resonate with you, leave a comment! I'm interested to hear your story. 

~Jason

***

The Five Rules: An Antidote to All that Sucks

Over the years, I've been on a low-key self-improvement journey. The goal, which evolved and matured over the years, has been to figure out why we're here. What is the purpose of life? What makes life worth living? How do you live a purposeful, fulfilling life? How can I create a life that, when I'm lying on my deathbed, I can reflect on without regret? 

After a couple of decades of experimentation, I've found these five “rules” to be the best guiding principles to creating that purposeful, fulfilling life. 

Rule #1: We're all an experiment of one. The concept "We're all an experiment of one" underscores that each of us is a unique individual, requiring a personalized approach to living a purposeful, fulfilling life. George Sheehan’s principle, drawn from his work as a physician and runner, reminds us that no single path or solution fits everyone. Embracing this "n=1" mindset frees us to experiment and discover our own effective methods, preferences, and rhythms. It’s an invitation to actively engage in trial and error, exploring various practices, habits, and lifestyles that resonate with our specific needs and goals. By keeping what enhances our lives and discarding what doesn’t, we gradually create a life that reflects our true selves and brings us closer to what we value. This process of self-experimentation keeps us adaptable, open, and constantly learning, encouraging growth and authentic progress along a path uniquely our own.

Rule #2: Choose paths that excite you. Choosing paths that excite us taps into our natural curiosity and desire for adventure, infusing life with purpose and energy. Tim Ferriss champions this idea, suggesting that prioritizing excitement can counteract feelings of boredom, stagnation, and even depression. By gravitating toward activities and goals that make us feel nervous—or even a little scared—we step into uncharted territory that challenges us to grow. This unknown fuels our motivation, pushing us to develop new skills, adapt, and redefine our limits. When we actively seek what excites us, we create a life that’s vibrant, engaging, and full of possibility, where fulfillment comes not from avoiding discomfort but embracing it as part of a meaningful journey. 

Rule #3: Choose paths that create the kinds of problems you love to solve. Choosing paths that create the kinds of problems we love to solve allows us to live more purposefully and feel fulfilled, despite the inevitable challenges life presents. Mark Manson highlights that every choice leads to a unique set of problems, and a problem-free life is simply unrealistic. Whether we’re rich, poor, tall, or short, challenges are part of every path, and understanding this truth can help us reframe how we approach life’s decisions. By identifying the types of problems that interest, excite, or motivate us—problems we genuinely want to tackle—we align our lives with our passions and strengths. For instance, a person drawn to creativity may find joy in overcoming artistic challenges, while another might thrive on solving complex technical issues. Ultimately, when we build a life that generates the “right” problems, we create a more satisfying experience, turning obstacles into meaningful work and struggles into opportunities for personal growth.

Rule #4: Foster a growth mindset. Fostering a growth mindset empowers us to approach life as a journey of continuous improvement, where challenges and setbacks are not barriers but stepping stones to greater abilities. Scott Barry Kaufman’s idea centers on the belief that, with dedication and effort, we can adapt and overcome almost any obstacle. This mindset shifts us from a fixed view of our abilities to a flexible one, where skills and intelligence are seen as dynamic qualities we can develop. By embracing criticism as a tool for self-improvement, approaching challenges with curiosity rather than fear, and viewing failures as necessary lessons rather than personal shortcomings, we cultivate resilience and motivation. A growth mindset encourages us to face life’s hurdles with optimism and persistence, propelling us toward mastery and fulfillment through intentional, ongoing effort.

Rule #5: Cultivate Relationships. Developing and maintaining meaningful relationships greatly enriches life, and positively contributing to the wellbeing of others provides a deep sense of interconnectedness with our world. Developing connections and fostering relationships create a sense of belonging and shared purpose, which are central to a fulfilling life. Close relationships provide emotional support, encouragement, and a place to express ourselves authentically, enriching our lives through mutual understanding and compassion. When we invest in meaningful connections, we open ourselves to new perspectives, growth opportunities, and collective goals that deepen our sense of purpose. These bonds remind us that our actions impact others, motivating us to contribute positively to the lives around us, ultimately enhancing our own happiness and well-being.

So how can these five rules be helpful?

To implement these five life rules and create a personal roadmap to a purposeful, fulfilling life, start by setting aside time for self-reflection. Use this time to understand what truly resonates with you and what feels authentic to your core. Here’s a simple approach to applying each rule:

1. Embrace your individuality (Experiment of One): Begin by experimenting with new habits, routines, and approaches in different areas of your life. Keep a journal of what feels right and what doesn’t. Over time, you’ll uncover patterns and methods that align uniquely with your values and strengths. I recommend using two sources for ideas for this self-experimentation - try stuff that's always piqued your curiosity, and try stuff the people you admire have done. 

2. Prioritize what excites you: Notice activities that spark curiosity or bring a hint of nervous excitement. Choose to pursue these paths regularly. When you feel a bit scared yet intrigued, it’s a sign you’re stepping into growth. Embrace this feeling and let it guide you.

3. Seek challenges you want to solve: Reflect on what types of problems naturally draw your attention or bring a sense of satisfaction when solved. Whether they’re related to creativity, technical skill, or interpersonal dynamics, start choosing paths that present these specific challenges. This will make obstacles feel purposeful, not burdensome.

4. Cultivate a growth mindset: Embrace feedback and setbacks as fuel for improvement rather than as limitations. Each day, find small ways to stretch your skills—maybe by learning a new technique, setting a higher standard for a familiar task, or tackling something you've avoided. Over time, this approach will strengthen your adaptability and resilience.

5. Nurture meaningful connections: Invest time in deepening relationships with people who uplift and challenge you. Spend less time and energy in the presence of people who negatively impact your life. Make an effort to understand others, contribute to their lives, and let them contribute to yours. These meaningful connections will enhance your sense of belonging, purpose, and happiness.

By integrating these steps into daily life, you create a personalized, adaptable roadmap that evolves with you, guiding you toward a fulfilling life defined by growth, excitement, purpose, and connection. The positive impact of following these rules may not occur overnight, but you will notice small but significant improvements almost immediately. And progress snowballs; success begets success. 

In the end, living a fulfilling, purposeful life is about embracing who you are, daring to try new things, tackling the challenges that feel meaningful, fostering a mindset of growth, and connecting deeply with others. These five rules aren’t about a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all solution; they’re about crafting a life that genuinely reflects you and the impact you want to make. Remember, growth is gradual and nonlinear, and it’s okay to adjust your approach along the way. By practicing patience and trusting the process, you'll find that these principles build on one another, leading to an enriching and rewarding journey. Whether you’re just starting out or recalibrating along the way, these rules offer a compass to guide you toward a life that feels purposeful, connected, and truly worthwhile.

~ Jason

***

Keeping the Flame Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

Hey Jason,

I'm really struggling with how to rekindle the spark in my marriage, and I'm hoping for some advice. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and we have two young kids. We both work full-time, and between our jobs, kids, and daily responsibilities, it feels like we've lost the connection we used to have. We used to have so much fun together, going on spontaneous trips, having deep conversations, and just enjoying each other's company. But now, it feels like we're just roommates who manage a household together. I’ve noticed that our intimacy has dwindled too, and it’s been months since we’ve had a proper date night.

I've tried initiating small gestures, like cooking her favorite meal or planning a movie night, but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. I feel like we’re both just going through the motions, and it’s starting to really worry me. I still love her deeply, and I want to reignite that passion and connection we once had. I’m open to any suggestions—whether it's new activities to try, ways to improve our communication, or anything else that might help. Thanks in advance for your help.

Thanks!

- Mark D., Franklin, Tennessee

Hey Mark,

Thanks for reaching out. It's normal for passion to fade after a few years in a long-term relationship, especially when life gets busy with work, kids, and responsibilities. The good news is that this is something you can reignite. The key to rekindling that spark lies in understanding how desire works differently for men and women. At its core, passion is fueled by desire, and when you know how to stoke that desire, you can bring the passion back into your relationship.

For men, novelty often reignites passion—new experiences and activities are exciting and arousing. But for women, desire is more emotionally complex and often tied to a sense of connection and emotional security. It’s similar to how a fire burns brighter when there’s a bit of distance or fresh air. This is why time apart can make a reunion more passionate; it builds a sense of longing and anticipation, which naturally increases desire.

To start rekindling that spark, consider creating a bit of healthy distance. Encourage solo activities or plan a short weekend trip apart. This time away allows both of you to miss each other, creating a sense of longing that can reignite desire. When you come back together, break from the routine with a “Desire Date” that’s adventurous or novel. Dressing up and making an effort to look good can help both of you feel attractive and desired, which is key to sparking passion.

Throughout the day, before your date, build anticipation with playful teasing and flirting. Subtle touches, jokes, and compliments can go a long way in creating a playful and seductive atmosphere. This gradual build-up taps into the natural dynamics of desire, making the reunion more exciting and passionate. By focusing on these small but significant changes, you can reignite the spark and bring back the connection that first brought you together.

Good luck, Mark!

~ Jason

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Hey Jason,

Hey, I met this guy, Matt, and I think he's really hot. We talked a bit at a party, but I can't figure out if he's into me or just being friendly. We did exchange phone numbers. I want to approach him, but I don't want to make things awkward if he’s not interested. Do you have any tips on how I could have handled talking to him at the party to maybe get a better read on his feelings without putting myself out there too much?"

- Emily P., Fort Collins, Colorado

Hi Emily, 

When it comes to gauging a guy's interest, it's all about reading the signals while keeping things light and playful. Men often categorize women quickly into one of three groups: those they're not interested in romantically, those they're attracted to but don't see a future with, and those they’re genuinely into and willing to prioritize. The key is figuring out which category you fall into.

Start by continuing your conversation from the party. Bring up something you discussed to keep the connection going without being too obvious. Pay close attention to his body language—if he's engaged, maintaining eye contact, and seems genuinely interested in the conversation, those are good signs. To test the waters further, you can add a playful tease or compliment, which can create a flirty atmosphere.

If he responds positively, suggest a low-pressure hangout, like grabbing a coffee. This gives him the chance to show whether he's interested in spending more time with you. Regardless of the outcome, taking this approach helps you move forward confidently, while also keeping things fun and relaxed. 

To get a sense of which category Matt has placed you in, observe his behavior closely. If he’s consistently polite but doesn’t go out of his way to engage with you, he might see you as just a friend. If he’s flirty but keeps things casual, he may be interested but not looking for anything serious. However, if he shows signs of prioritizing your interactions—like making plans to see you, following up on conversations, or going out of his way to spend time with you—there’s a good chance he’s genuinely into you.

And remember, meeting new people is exciting, so have fun!

~Jason

***

Using Personality Testing to Differentiate the High School Classroom Experience

Introduction

Individual differences shape the student experience. One of the greatest challenges teachers face is tailoring the physical classroom environment, classroom procedures, behavioral expectations, consequences, and pedagogy to create an effective, safe, inclusive, and respectful learning environment for each and every student under their care. Historically, this challenge has been met with a wide variety of ideas. Some are effective. Some are not. 

Quality teachers possess and/or develop the ability to intuitively assess what each student requires to reach their full potential. Unfortunately, this is a skill that may take years to develop. Even when a teacher does develop this skill, it requires significant contact with the student to get an accurate "read" on their needs and abilities. 

This current project hypothesizes that this process can be dramatically improved with the effective use of a personality assessment instrument. Both novice and veteran teachers can use the data from personality instruments to tailor their classroom to meet the individual needs of students with minimal time or effort, and with significantly better objective and subjective outcomes. 

The current project utilizes the NERIS Type Indicator, a popular, free online trait-based instrument available at http://16personalities.com. Personality tests in general suffer from mediocre validity and reliability, but the popularity of the Neris Type Indicator has given the creators a large pool of data (n ~ 147 million) to produce five acceptably-distinct, internally-consistent, valid scales with good test/ re-test reliability over a six month period. Finally, the test does not collect identifying data on respondents, which alleviates privacy concerns. 

The instrument will give teachers some insight to student dispositions such as:

• Which students enjoy leading and which students prefer playing a support role
• Is the student agreeable or argumentative?
• Does the student prefer working with hypotheticals or concrete concepts?
• Does the student prefer praise or criticism?
• Is the student a perfectionist, or are they comfortable with "good enough"?
• Is the student honest or are they prone to deception?
• Are their behaviors guided by logic,intuition, or emotion?

This test is ideal because the results produce sixteen distinct personality types which provide enough detail in layman's terms to be utilized by any teacher with minimal knowledge of personality assessment. These sixteen constructs can be used to inform teachers of student traits that can be used for:

• Developing a more personal connection to individual students
• Developing classroom rules and consequences
• Developing classroom procedures
• Assigning groups for cooperative or competitive group work
• Creating seating charts
• Guiding effective pedagogical design
• Guiding effective grading strategies

This approach attempts to differentiate the organization of class instead of the more common approach of differentiating instruction (using methods such as Gardner's "multiple intelligences" or"response to intervention" methodologies.) 

Potential Problems

This approach has multiple potential drawbacks and is not intended to be a one-size-fits-all solution to education reform. Rather, it is an approach to basic classroom organization, management, and pedagogical design that may simplify the process teachers use to differentiate their classroom experience to individual students. The following are a few of the anticipated problems that may arise when this methodology is put into practice.

• Inaccuracy - No personality test will provide a perfectly valid and reliable window into the inner-workings of our students. Re-testing may help get a more accurate picture of student personality, especially with the passage of time.
• Self-fulfilling prophecies - How teachers treat kids after learning their results may be skewed by particular results, which may produce the very behaviors the teacher expects. This may not be a negative consequence for good behaviors, but has the potential to harm students who are expected to engage in bad behaviors. Because of this, it may be prudent for the teacher to exercise caution when assuming negative characteristics.
• Time - While the test itself only takes approximately 20-30 minutes to administer, organizing, analyzing, and utilizing the data may take many hours. Given that most teachers have a finite amount of time to dedicate to all aspects of teaching, experimenting with a concept such as this may not be a worthwhile use of time.
• Resources needed - This particular test requires an internet-enabled device, and an internet connection,which may not be available to all teachers. 
• Risk of information overload - Teachers typically have a wealth of student information available. If additional information becomes too much to reasonably process, the information loses all value.

Conclusion

This project will assess student personality using the NERIS Type Indicator, which will then be used for a variety of classroom organization and management purposes, and also used to help guide pedagogy. This phase of the project is experimental in nature, and will be used to determine if further implementation would be beneficial. I will periodically report my findings, experiences, and other results. 

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Adventures in Teaching: Act Two

The decision to get back into teaching has been a very long, convoluted process. When I left back in 2011, I was essentially burned out. The public education system in Michigan had been under brutal attack by Betsy Devos (our current federal Secretary of Education), funding had been cut annually for years, we were losing tenure, our pay benefits were under attack, class sizes were ballooning, we were under mounting pressure to meet No Child Left Behind's annual yearly progress, and us teachers were constantly being portrayed as greedy and selfish for simply asking for raises that came relatively close to equaling inflation. We were increasingly losing autonomy to individualize instruction to meet the diverse needs of our students, and we were being blamed for this failure. 

It was painful and demoralizing. 

So why the Hell would I want to go back?!?

The Interim Years

After leaving the profession, we spent two years traveling the country teaching people how to run better. Then we settled in San Diego and started training jiu jitsu, boxing, kickboxing, and mma. During our time here in SoCal, I've worked a few different jobs completely unrelated to education, including:

• Delivering packages and working in a warehouse for UPS
• Working as a materials handler and receiver at a local lumber yard
• Working as a freelance writer and blogger, which eventually led to writing Squirrel Wipe, Earthquake, Kids, and the development of Das Man Camp
• Working as a lead generator and writer for a real estate agency
• Driving for Uber

Somewhere in there, I decided to dabble in education again and took a job as a high school substitute teacher, then eventually school security jobs at an adult school and a middle school. Initially, I had zero desire to get back into teaching. Early in those experiences I didn't really experience anything that would significantly change my expectations about public education.

Two major experiences changed my perspective, though. First, I had the opportunity to work with some phenomenal adult education administrators at my first school security job. From them, I learned the ins and outs of the programs available to the kids who, earlier in their lives, were the kids who fell through the cracks and dropped out, were expelled, etc.

Second, I had the opportunity to work with some phenomenal middle school administrators at my second school security job. From them, I learned two major lessons. I had the opportunity to really peer into different families and how that affected students and administrator decision-making, which provided a much more complete picture than I had as a teacher. I also learned what educational experiences kids brought with them when they entered high school, and how that affected the various "types" of students I experienced as a high school teacher.

In essence, these experiences gave me a far better understanding of the entire landscape that is public education. The decisions others made that used to piss me off now made a lot more sense, and many of the kids we couldn't "save" would end up being just fine down the road. That monumental shift in expectations made me realize public education was a whole lot more effective than I had previously perceived. Once that hurdle was cleared, the motivation to return to the classroom came flooding back. 

So What's Different?

What exactly has changed from 2011 until today? Quite simply, it's nothing more than a wealth of "in the trenches" experience coupled with realistic expectations.

Before I started teaching back in '99, I was like most fresh-out-of-college educators. I had spent years immersed in various educational theories, most of which claimed to be "the solution" to all problems plaguing public education. I saw myself as a motivated, enthusiastic reformer who could do what all previous generations of teachers had failed to do - make a real difference. I was going to be like Michelle Pfeiffer in "Dangerous Minds", only better. I had all the answers. 

Yeah, it was pretty arrogant.

It didn't take long for reality to crush that delusion. As it turns out, not all kids can be inspired to learn. Not all kids behave. Not all parents are supportive. Not all administrators appreciate crazy new ideas that cause them problems. Innovation wasn't something that was welcomed. Or even effective. As it turns out, the education system is resistant to change. Throughout the twelve years I spent in the classroom the first time around, I never really understood why the system is so damn resistant. 

Now? I get it. I have a far deeper understanding of how the machinery of public education works. What I previously saw as complete failures in the system are actually carefully-designed systems to help kids in the future even if they can't be helped today. I now fully understand that the system isn't broken so much as misunderstood. And a deeper understanding of the system has made all the difference.

Act Two

In about fourteen weeks or so, I'll step back into a classroom as a full-time teacher for the first time in seven years. This time around, I have a vast toolbox of real-world tested pedagogical methods (how we teach) that can be deployed based on individual student needs. I have a well-honed toolbox of classroom management strategies to deal with a culturally and economically-diverse student population. I have a thorough understanding of how the various personnel, from administrators to secretaries to custodians, work together to make a school successful. I have the confidence and patience to deal with pretty much any situation that may arise because there's not much I haven't already experienced. I have a deep understanding of the trials and tribulations of school finance, and have have a wealth of strategies to do what I need to do with zero financial support from the school. 

Aside from these education-related experiences, I've also had a plethora of non-educational experiences that have made me a far different person than I was when I first started. I've learned a great deal about myself through overcoming adversity via ultrarunning, learning to be humble via Brazilian jiu jitsu, and learning to not fear the possibility of physical altercations via mixed martial arts training. I've also learned to overcome my supplicating and sycophant "Nice Guy" tendencies. I've also learned, thanks to my Das Man Camp project, how to actualize my masculine characteristics I used to fear, which has led me to develop the skills to become a real leader. 

Most importantly, though, I have the enthusiasm and passion I felt before getting that first job some twenty years ago. When coupled with a brutally honest set of expectations, I feel I'm finally in a position to maximize my ability to really make a difference. 

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Living in San Diego and East County: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

We've lived in San Diego's East County for a tad under six years, which marks our second-longest tenure in one area. For nomadic hobos, that's a long time. During that time, we've had the opportunity to fully explore the Southern California area in general and San Diego in particular. As we've been preparing to move to Colorado, Shelly and I have been doing a lot of reflecting on our time spent here.

Harkening back to the shoe review days, I thought it would be fun to "review" the area. Given California conjures a slew of stereotypes, this accurate and honest assessment might be useful for anyone considering a move to SoCal.

Before I begin, it's worth noting this grading is done from the perspective of a slightly introverted, anti-materialistic, redneck-ish Midwesterner who grew up in the sticks of Northern Michigan who loves new experiences and adventures, especially outdoors. As you'll see, my biases obviously shape my assessment. YMMV.

So let's get started!

The Good

Southern California is an amazing place. There's a reason people flock to the area in droves. Over five million people have moved to the state over the last decade. These are some of the reasons the state is so damn popular:

• Weather - The weather in San Diego is basically awesome 99% of the time. Temps in the mid-70's, low humidity, almost always sunny, and virtually no severe weather. As you move away from the ocean, we have more extreme temperature fluctuations (East County will see temps ranging from a low near freezing and highs over 100 degrees.) Still, San Diego has the most consistently-pleasant weather I've ever experienced. Light rain is treated like a minor catastrophe. Personally I miss the excitement of severe thunderstorms, tornado warnings, and blizzards, but never having to consider the weather in decision-making has been a nice convenience. 

• Beaches - San Diego has miles and miles of world-class beaches. It's as simple as that. The thongs are a nice additional bonus. This is one of the things I will miss most about living here. 

• The People - California has an interesting culture. There's a definite detachment; people seem to live in a bit of a bubble and don't usually pay attention to other people. That manifests as an overall friendliness and acceptance... everyone pretty much does their own thing. Nosey and judgmental people really don't exist here, which is a nice change from West Michigan. Weirdness is uncritically and universally accepted. We like that. Also, the area has a ton of cultural diversity, which we love. 
• Mexican Food - After traveling all over the country including the entirety of the US/ Mexican border, I can confidently say San Diego has the best Mexican food in the US. And it ain't even close. Cheap, delicious authentic Mexican food is available pretty much everywhere, and various incarnations of Mexican fusion cuisine are plentiful. We're totally spoiled; after living here, the Mexican food we've eaten elsewhere is trash. 

• Fresh Produce - We have a wide variety of cheap, flavorful, fresh produce available all year long. The "off season" produce here is better than the produce available during harvest season in the Midwest. This makes healthy eating exceptionally easy even on a limited budget. I don't think most native Californians appreciate how good the produce here is compared to the rest of the country.
• Brazilian Jiu Jitsu - Okay, this one's for a limited audience, but it's a reason we've stuck around here for almost six years. We love our gym (San Diego Fight Club), which is just one of close to a hundred legitimate bjj gyms/ schools/ academies here in San Diego County. This area is basically the biggest Mecca outside Brazil filled with a who's who of the sport.

The Bad

Southern California isn't all muffins wrapped in Rainbows. While five million people moved to the state, six million moved away. It's not uncommon for people to move to the area for the reasons listed above, live for a few years, then leave for the reasons listed below. 

• Crime - Crime statistics, on paper, make the San Diego area seem relatively safe. Indeed, this handy tool indicates our former town of Allendale, Michigan is more crime-ridden than our current city of El Cajon, California. But crime stats only tell part of the story because many crimes aren't prosecuted. There's so much low-level crime here, the local police and legal system is completely overwhelmed. Criminal behavior that just gets ignored here would result in years in prison in Michigan. Theft, burglary, shoplifting, fraud, identity theft, minor assault, stalking, harassment... most of that is just ignored by the authorities because they have more significant public safety issues to contend with. As such, the area's a little bit like the Wild West. You have to take constant steps to protect yourself by always locking stuff up, locking doors, staying off the streets at night, always being vigilant when walking down the street, avoiding dangerous areas, etc. People who like to feel safe without taking precautions will not enjoy the area because you will be victimized in some way. I like that the area has been a good training ground to teach our kids about personal safety, but the constant vigilance is exhausting. 
• Taxes and Regulations - The stereotypes are real. Taxes and regulations in California are ridiculous, mostly because the state pisses away money on really stupid projects and initiatives. Which results in a perpetually-stressed state budget. Not only are taxes outrageous, the fees for anything and everything are soul-crushing. The state bureaucracy is basically like a irresponsible, needy kid always begging you for five dollars here, fifty dollars there because they can't stop buying new farm machinery in Farmville. This place'll nickel and dime you to death. And starting a business? Fuggetaboutit. The red tape, fees, and taxes will kill your bottom line, no matter your business.
• All Other Food, Including Beer - The food and beer here in San Diego is, relative to the rest of the country, shockingly mediocre. There are some notable exceptions, but this has been one of the most disappointing aspects of living here. Finding a phenomenal burger or pizza is almost impossible. Italian? Chinese? Thai? Indian? Japanese? All forgettable. Even the fast food and chain restaurants are pretty bad. And the beer? Pretty much all of it is over-hopped and harsh. If it weren't for the Mexican food, this area would be a culinary black hole. The only people who seem to think San Diego has great food are natives who have never traveled to other culinary epicenters. We've acclimated and lowered expectations, but we're reminded of this every time we travel out of the area, especially our vastly underrated former West Michigan home.

The only ingredient in San Diego beers...

• Public Restrooms - California in general and Southern California in particular have some of the dirtiest, run-down public bathrooms I've ever seen in the United States. It's as bad or maybe even worse than New York City. This baffled me when we first moved here, but it turns out there's a very good explanation. I'll cover that in a bit. If you do need to find decent bathrooms, Starbucks, Walmart, and Target are usually among your best choices. Gas stations? Forget about it. 
• Customer Service - First, I have to qualify this by saying we frequent quite a few businesses with amazing customer service because of their excellent customer service. Great service does exist in SoCal if you look for it. Need a recommendation on a place with great customer service? Just ask; I'm more than happy to support those businesses. But on the whole, customer service is atrocious. Far too many people in the service industry here are disinterested, unfriendly, and not especially helpful. If you actually need something, prepare to be assertive if not downright demanding and hostile.
• The People - This is probably a cultural thing derived from being a Midwesterner. The same positives I mentioned above also have a real downside. People more or less live in their own little bubble, which also means they tend to be oblivious to anything and everything around them. When interacting with strangers in stores, on the sidewalk, or when driving, it's not uncommon for people to just wander into your path. It's as if everyone believes they're the only person occupying their immediate surroundings. It's a silly little detail, but gets infuriating after awhile. This is also part of the reason crime is rampant... far too many people are way too trusting and lack basic situational awareness. 
  
  
  The other real downside? Southern Californians, with a few exceptions, are soft. They don't experience a lot of adversity. There are no harsh winters. Serious natural disasters hit infrequently. The state provides ample social safety nets. If you're in trouble, someone else is always there to throw you a life preserver. Many residents aren't capable of even the most simple self-reliance tasks other people have learned out of necessity. Leisure is a way of life. This is a major reason all our friends here are martial artists, current or former military, law enforcement, or borderline criminals... we gravitated towards the few people who aren't fragile snowflakes. 

The Ugly

There are a few really bad aspects to the San Diego area, which are the deal-breakers for Shelly and I. The bad stuff above is tolerable, but this is the stuff that ultimately drove us to move. 

• The Traffic - There are a lot of cars in San Diego. About 1.3 million people drive to work without carpooling. Less than 5% of the population uses public transportation, bikes, or walks to work. This problem is coupled by two "types" of drivers commonly found in San Diego - the overly-cautious and the dangerously-oblivious. Some drivers here are cautious to the extreme. It's not uncommon to see people coming to a near-complete stop to let someone merge on a highway. It's also not uncommon to see people completely ignoring traffic signs. And laws. Finally, traffic is made worse by a weird tendency to ignore the "slower vehicles to the right, faster vehicles to the left" norm found pretty much everywhere else. This results in many drivers passing on the left or right at seemingly random times, which makes them frustratingly unpredictable. Traveling anywhere near rush hour takes forever. As a country boy accustomed to driving at normal speeds to get from point A to point B, this aspect of San Diego royally sucks. 

• The Crowds - It's impossible to escape the crowds in San Diego. Everywhere you go, there are people. Lots and lots of people. Everywhere. Grocery stores? Packed. Restaurants? Packed. Malls? Packed. Movie theaters? Packed. Museums? Packed. Beaches? Packed. Hiking trails? Packed. The only saving grace? Most people don't get started until about 9:30-10:00 in the morning, so there's a tiny sliver of time to get errands done without having to deal with the masses. Otherwise, every place is busy all the time. It's the only place I've ever lived where there are huge crowds everywhere even in the middle of a work day. People don't seem to work all that much in San Diego. 

• Natural Disasters - Earthquakes, Santa Ana-fueled wildfires, mudslides, tsunamis, drought, and floods... all are significant dangers here in SoCal. There's even a small chance a hurricane could strike the area. Compounding this problem is a population that isn't especially resilient and is rather complacent when it comes to preparing for disasters. One significant earthquake along the San Andreas could feasibly cut off the California Aqueduct, a huge chunk of the electricity grid, and most landline communications. With few people prepared for days or weeks without water, food, or electricity, the entire region is precariously close to a complete social collapse. The possible dangers from all the potential disasters are manageable, but it's the human factor that scares me. 

• The Homeless - Before moving here, I was very sympathetic to the homeless. Most homeless people I encountered in Michigan and elsewhere were victims of unfortunate circumstances beyond their control. Unemployed, the mentally-ill, veterans... you know, people like that. Here in SoCal? We have those folks. But we also have tweakers, junkies, petty criminals, sex offenders, and transients among our homeless population. They litter, wander into traffic, shit and piss everywhere (part of the reason our public restrooms suck), steal anything that's not bolted down, cause wildfires, harass kids and the elderly, spear hepatitis A and other diseases, and basically take over our public transportation system. As a school security guard, a major element of my job is patrolling every nook and cranny of our school grounds to make sure homeless people aren't living on our campus. To make matters worse, we have a lot of rich people who live in gated communities (ironically to keep out the homeless) who feed the homeless in places like public parks. That encourages the homeless to form large encampments away from the actual social services which serve their community, which makes most parks and other public lands unusually dangerous.

• Cost of Housing - I could probably live with everything on this list if it weren't for this one. San Diego is the 10th most expensive place to live in the US. It's about 148% of the national average, mostly because of the ridiculous housing prices. In Michigan, we rented a very nice three bedroom, two bathroom 1,400 square foot duplex for $750. Here in California, we rent a shitty two bedroom 1,000 square foot apartment in an RV park for $1,200. If our apartment were a condo, it would cost around $350,000. In the town we're moving to in Colorado, we could buy two three bedroom, two bathroom single family houses for that price. Needless to say, the positives of living here do not offset the stupidly-expensive real estate prices. We've had a long-term dream of owning acreage for play, growing a garden, and raising animals, but that dream simply isn't possible here in SoCal. 

Conclusion

So... is San Diego worth it? If you're considering moving to the area, would I encourage or discourage you? 

For us, San Diego was a lot of fun. Until it wasn't. Like many areas that aren't great matches for our personalities, San Diego has a lot of fun and interesting things to offer. It also has some serious drawbacks. Despite those drawbacks, I do not regret our decision to live here for the last five-plus years. Aside from the life-changing experiences we've learned from our coaches and gym teammates, this has been a truly unique experience. It's allowed both Shelly and I to grow in a way we probably wouldn't have gotten anywhere else. For that, I'm eternally grateful. But it's time to go.

Would you love it? Maybe. If you have a high tolerance for crowds and traffic, can take care of your own shit, don't mind homeless people and panhandlers everywhere, and you're wealthy, San Diego might be a good fit. Minimally, it's a fun place to live for at least a few years. For single professionals? The place would probably be a blast... at least for a few years.

If you ever have the opportunity, give it a shot. 

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What's the Appeal of Western Colorado?

Since we've begun telling people about our plans to move, we've been getting one question repeatedly - Why Western Colorado?

Admittedly, it is a somewhat strange destination. Even the folks interviewing me for the teaching position I wrote about in my last post seemed a little surprised this area was at the top of our relocation list.

Scouting While Traveling

The decision to make the Western Slope our top relocation destination started when we traveled the country teaching about barefoot running for Merrell. Over two years, we drove 50,000 miles through forty-six states. Some areas really resonated with us. Many didn't. 

Generally, we liked areas that were either rural or cities surrounded by rural openness. We liked mountains. We liked open spaces. We liked sun. 

We didn't like crowds, traffic, or hipsters. We didn't like pretentiousness. We didn't like nosey neighbors or hordes of homeless people. 

Locations We Liked

At the end of our travels, we created a list of possible areas we liked enough to consider semi-permanent relocation once the charm of SoCal wore off. That list included:

• The Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia
• The Smoky Mountains of Eastern Tennessee
• Outskirts of San Antonio, Texas
• Outskirts of Tucson, Arizona
• Redding, California
• Reno, Nevada
• Boise, Idaho
• And, of course, Colorado's Western Slope

All of the areas had pros and cons, but all were areas we enjoyed and could imagine living there for a significant period of time.

Why Western Colorado?

Of all these areas, Western Colorado stood out. We spent significant time there, partly to run races (Grand Mesa 100 miler, Mt. Sneffels Marathon), and partly because Grand Junction is a gateway between the Western and Eastern US. It was a convenient stopping point when crossing the Rockies. Specifically, this is what we liked:

1. Mountains. We have a thing for mountains, and this area doesn't disappoint. The Grand Mesa and Rockies to the East, San Juans to the South. The Uncomphagre Plateau to the West. Not only do they provide picturesque views, they also offer ample recreation activities. 

2. Elevation. There's something magical about the clean, crisp, thin air and bright sky at elevation. We'll be living at about 6,000 feet, but we'll have plenty of opportunities to get above fourteen.

3. Rural Setting. Both Shelly and I spent most of our childhoods in small towns. After spending over five years surviving the frantic, overcrowded rat race that is Southern California, we're eager to get back to a more relaxed environment. 

4. Seclusion. We're all a bunch of introverts. All of us love people, but we all need solitude to recharge. We'll have far more opportunities to get away from people in Colorado where the population density is a tiny fraction of the population density here in San Diego. 

5. True Seasons; Snow. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I miss the changing seasons and snow. Currently, we have a temperate, "rainy" season (about 13" per year) that extends from about January to March, then a "blazing hot" season that lasts the rest of the year. In Western Colorado, the climate is somewhat similar to East County given it's high desert, but also fluctuates more. Instead of 100 degree October days, we'll have mid-fifties. We'll also have occasional sub-freezing temps and snow without the brutally-long, dreary West Michigan winters.  

6. Less Regulation and Taxation. California has the fourth-highest tax burden in the US. Colorado is in the bottom quarter. Similarly, California is one of the worst states for personal freedom. Colorado ranks as the tenth best. To make matters worse, California has a bad habit of pissing away their tax revenue on stupid, elaborate projects. 

7. Resilient Population; No Hipsters. I like living among people who can take care of themselves if the shit hits the fan. When a population doesn't have to struggle or have a government with excessive social welfare programs, they tend to be fairly helpless and don't develop self-reliance. The decidedly blue-collar, geographically-isolated population of Western Colorado is rugged and independent. And there are few if any hipsters like we found along the Front Range to the east. 

8. Diversity. There aren't too many rural areas of the country that feature decent diversity. Western Colorado certainly won't have the extreme diversity we have here in San Diego (our kids' school is about 30% Hispanic, 30% Arabic, 20% African American, 15% white, and 5% a smattering of other cultural groups), but the area does have a significant Hispanic population (about 25-30%.) 

9. Cheap Land, Significantly Lower Cost of Living. This was a biggie. We've long-wanted enough acreage to raise chickens and goats, have enough room to shoot guns or drive go-carts, build projects, and so on. We'd never be able to realistically afford this anywhere near San Diego (we'd have to buy land in the desert ninety miles east of San Diego). Not so in Western Colorado. It's not uncommon to find 40 acre plots for as little as $100,000. This is the biggest factor in the lower cost of living. If 100 is the US average cost of living, San Diego is 146 and Western Colorado is about 90. That's a HUGE difference. 

10. Better Business Climate. Shelly and I have several business ideas we've been developing over the last few years, but the cost/benefit analysis has never made sense. Why? California absolutely sucks for starting businesses. The taxes, regulation, and out-of-control bureaucracy are a huge burden to small business owners. Colorado only ranks as the middle of the pack, but it ranks better than Michigan where I've started several successful businesses. I can live with the moderate ranking. The business plans are one of the elements of moving that excites me the most; I miss entrepreneurship. 

11. Safety. Compared to our current home in East County east of San Diego, Western Colorado has far fewer murders, assaults, rapes, robberies, and car thefts. We want our kids to be able to walk around freely without excessive worry from junkies, unregistered sex offenders, transients, paranoid schizophrenics, and the other undesirable characters we have roaming around our current neighborhood. 

That sums up many of the major reasons we chose Western Colorado. It's not an area that would appeal to most, but many of our outdoor-loving, adventurous friends would likely fall in love with the area. 

We certainly did. 

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