The Five Rules: An Antidote to All that Sucks

Over the years, I've been on a low-key self-improvement journey. The goal, which evolved and matured over the years, has been to figure out why we're here. What is the purpose of life? What makes life worth living? How do you live a purposeful, fulfilling life? How can I create a life that, when I'm lying on my deathbed, I can reflect on without regret? 

After a couple of decades of experimentation, I've found these five “rules” to be the best guiding principles to creating that purposeful, fulfilling life. 

Rule #1: We're all an experiment of one. The concept "We're all an experiment of one" underscores that each of us is a unique individual, requiring a personalized approach to living a purposeful, fulfilling life. George Sheehan’s principle, drawn from his work as a physician and runner, reminds us that no single path or solution fits everyone. Embracing this "n=1" mindset frees us to experiment and discover our own effective methods, preferences, and rhythms. It’s an invitation to actively engage in trial and error, exploring various practices, habits, and lifestyles that resonate with our specific needs and goals. By keeping what enhances our lives and discarding what doesn’t, we gradually create a life that reflects our true selves and brings us closer to what we value. This process of self-experimentation keeps us adaptable, open, and constantly learning, encouraging growth and authentic progress along a path uniquely our own.

Rule #2: Choose paths that excite you. Choosing paths that excite us taps into our natural curiosity and desire for adventure, infusing life with purpose and energy. Tim Ferriss champions this idea, suggesting that prioritizing excitement can counteract feelings of boredom, stagnation, and even depression. By gravitating toward activities and goals that make us feel nervous—or even a little scared—we step into uncharted territory that challenges us to grow. This unknown fuels our motivation, pushing us to develop new skills, adapt, and redefine our limits. When we actively seek what excites us, we create a life that’s vibrant, engaging, and full of possibility, where fulfillment comes not from avoiding discomfort but embracing it as part of a meaningful journey. 

Rule #3: Choose paths that create the kinds of problems you love to solve. Choosing paths that create the kinds of problems we love to solve allows us to live more purposefully and feel fulfilled, despite the inevitable challenges life presents. Mark Manson highlights that every choice leads to a unique set of problems, and a problem-free life is simply unrealistic. Whether we’re rich, poor, tall, or short, challenges are part of every path, and understanding this truth can help us reframe how we approach life’s decisions. By identifying the types of problems that interest, excite, or motivate us—problems we genuinely want to tackle—we align our lives with our passions and strengths. For instance, a person drawn to creativity may find joy in overcoming artistic challenges, while another might thrive on solving complex technical issues. Ultimately, when we build a life that generates the “right” problems, we create a more satisfying experience, turning obstacles into meaningful work and struggles into opportunities for personal growth.

Rule #4: Foster a growth mindset. Fostering a growth mindset empowers us to approach life as a journey of continuous improvement, where challenges and setbacks are not barriers but stepping stones to greater abilities. Scott Barry Kaufman’s idea centers on the belief that, with dedication and effort, we can adapt and overcome almost any obstacle. This mindset shifts us from a fixed view of our abilities to a flexible one, where skills and intelligence are seen as dynamic qualities we can develop. By embracing criticism as a tool for self-improvement, approaching challenges with curiosity rather than fear, and viewing failures as necessary lessons rather than personal shortcomings, we cultivate resilience and motivation. A growth mindset encourages us to face life’s hurdles with optimism and persistence, propelling us toward mastery and fulfillment through intentional, ongoing effort.

Rule #5: Cultivate Relationships. Developing and maintaining meaningful relationships greatly enriches life, and positively contributing to the wellbeing of others provides a deep sense of interconnectedness with our world. Developing connections and fostering relationships create a sense of belonging and shared purpose, which are central to a fulfilling life. Close relationships provide emotional support, encouragement, and a place to express ourselves authentically, enriching our lives through mutual understanding and compassion. When we invest in meaningful connections, we open ourselves to new perspectives, growth opportunities, and collective goals that deepen our sense of purpose. These bonds remind us that our actions impact others, motivating us to contribute positively to the lives around us, ultimately enhancing our own happiness and well-being.

So how can these five rules be helpful?

To implement these five life rules and create a personal roadmap to a purposeful, fulfilling life, start by setting aside time for self-reflection. Use this time to understand what truly resonates with you and what feels authentic to your core. Here’s a simple approach to applying each rule:

1. Embrace your individuality (Experiment of One): Begin by experimenting with new habits, routines, and approaches in different areas of your life. Keep a journal of what feels right and what doesn’t. Over time, you’ll uncover patterns and methods that align uniquely with your values and strengths. I recommend using two sources for ideas for this self-experimentation - try stuff that's always piqued your curiosity, and try stuff the people you admire have done. 

2. Prioritize what excites you: Notice activities that spark curiosity or bring a hint of nervous excitement. Choose to pursue these paths regularly. When you feel a bit scared yet intrigued, it’s a sign you’re stepping into growth. Embrace this feeling and let it guide you.

3. Seek challenges you want to solve: Reflect on what types of problems naturally draw your attention or bring a sense of satisfaction when solved. Whether they’re related to creativity, technical skill, or interpersonal dynamics, start choosing paths that present these specific challenges. This will make obstacles feel purposeful, not burdensome.

4. Cultivate a growth mindset: Embrace feedback and setbacks as fuel for improvement rather than as limitations. Each day, find small ways to stretch your skills—maybe by learning a new technique, setting a higher standard for a familiar task, or tackling something you've avoided. Over time, this approach will strengthen your adaptability and resilience.

5. Nurture meaningful connections: Invest time in deepening relationships with people who uplift and challenge you. Spend less time and energy in the presence of people who negatively impact your life. Make an effort to understand others, contribute to their lives, and let them contribute to yours. These meaningful connections will enhance your sense of belonging, purpose, and happiness.

By integrating these steps into daily life, you create a personalized, adaptable roadmap that evolves with you, guiding you toward a fulfilling life defined by growth, excitement, purpose, and connection. The positive impact of following these rules may not occur overnight, but you will notice small but significant improvements almost immediately. And progress snowballs; success begets success. 

In the end, living a fulfilling, purposeful life is about embracing who you are, daring to try new things, tackling the challenges that feel meaningful, fostering a mindset of growth, and connecting deeply with others. These five rules aren’t about a quick fix or a one-size-fits-all solution; they’re about crafting a life that genuinely reflects you and the impact you want to make. Remember, growth is gradual and nonlinear, and it’s okay to adjust your approach along the way. By practicing patience and trusting the process, you'll find that these principles build on one another, leading to an enriching and rewarding journey. Whether you’re just starting out or recalibrating along the way, these rules offer a compass to guide you toward a life that feels purposeful, connected, and truly worthwhile.

~ Jason

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Keeping the Flame Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

Hey Jason,

I'm really struggling with how to rekindle the spark in my marriage, and I'm hoping for some advice. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and we have two young kids. We both work full-time, and between our jobs, kids, and daily responsibilities, it feels like we've lost the connection we used to have. We used to have so much fun together, going on spontaneous trips, having deep conversations, and just enjoying each other's company. But now, it feels like we're just roommates who manage a household together. I’ve noticed that our intimacy has dwindled too, and it’s been months since we’ve had a proper date night.

I've tried initiating small gestures, like cooking her favorite meal or planning a movie night, but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. I feel like we’re both just going through the motions, and it’s starting to really worry me. I still love her deeply, and I want to reignite that passion and connection we once had. I’m open to any suggestions—whether it's new activities to try, ways to improve our communication, or anything else that might help. Thanks in advance for your help.

Thanks!

- Mark D., Franklin, Tennessee

Hey Mark,

Thanks for reaching out. It's normal for passion to fade after a few years in a long-term relationship, especially when life gets busy with work, kids, and responsibilities. The good news is that this is something you can reignite. The key to rekindling that spark lies in understanding how desire works differently for men and women. At its core, passion is fueled by desire, and when you know how to stoke that desire, you can bring the passion back into your relationship.

For men, novelty often reignites passion—new experiences and activities are exciting and arousing. But for women, desire is more emotionally complex and often tied to a sense of connection and emotional security. It’s similar to how a fire burns brighter when there’s a bit of distance or fresh air. This is why time apart can make a reunion more passionate; it builds a sense of longing and anticipation, which naturally increases desire.

To start rekindling that spark, consider creating a bit of healthy distance. Encourage solo activities or plan a short weekend trip apart. This time away allows both of you to miss each other, creating a sense of longing that can reignite desire. When you come back together, break from the routine with a “Desire Date” that’s adventurous or novel. Dressing up and making an effort to look good can help both of you feel attractive and desired, which is key to sparking passion.

Throughout the day, before your date, build anticipation with playful teasing and flirting. Subtle touches, jokes, and compliments can go a long way in creating a playful and seductive atmosphere. This gradual build-up taps into the natural dynamics of desire, making the reunion more exciting and passionate. By focusing on these small but significant changes, you can reignite the spark and bring back the connection that first brought you together.

Good luck, Mark!

~ Jason

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Hey Jason,

Hey, I met this guy, Matt, and I think he's really hot. We talked a bit at a party, but I can't figure out if he's into me or just being friendly. We did exchange phone numbers. I want to approach him, but I don't want to make things awkward if he’s not interested. Do you have any tips on how I could have handled talking to him at the party to maybe get a better read on his feelings without putting myself out there too much?"

- Emily P., Fort Collins, Colorado

Hi Emily, 

When it comes to gauging a guy's interest, it's all about reading the signals while keeping things light and playful. Men often categorize women quickly into one of three groups: those they're not interested in romantically, those they're attracted to but don't see a future with, and those they’re genuinely into and willing to prioritize. The key is figuring out which category you fall into.

Start by continuing your conversation from the party. Bring up something you discussed to keep the connection going without being too obvious. Pay close attention to his body language—if he's engaged, maintaining eye contact, and seems genuinely interested in the conversation, those are good signs. To test the waters further, you can add a playful tease or compliment, which can create a flirty atmosphere.

If he responds positively, suggest a low-pressure hangout, like grabbing a coffee. This gives him the chance to show whether he's interested in spending more time with you. Regardless of the outcome, taking this approach helps you move forward confidently, while also keeping things fun and relaxed. 

To get a sense of which category Matt has placed you in, observe his behavior closely. If he’s consistently polite but doesn’t go out of his way to engage with you, he might see you as just a friend. If he’s flirty but keeps things casual, he may be interested but not looking for anything serious. However, if he shows signs of prioritizing your interactions—like making plans to see you, following up on conversations, or going out of his way to spend time with you—there’s a good chance he’s genuinely into you.

And remember, meeting new people is exciting, so have fun!

~Jason

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